Q: I can't get hold of a flyer. Can I download one?
A: Yes. There's a printable version at www.staybeautifulclub.co.uk/eflyer.htm.

Q: I am 17, but I really wanna come to Stay Beautiful. Will I get in?
A: Officially, the Purple Turtle is an over-18s venue. Those are the rules, and if you get IDed and turned away, we can't do anything about it. Unofficially, it's the same as anything else: if you normally manage to get into nightclubs, and you're determined to try, it's at your own risk... so make sure you have a back-up plan.

Q: Is there a dress code?
A: Yes. Sort of. Stay Beautiful is very proud of its glamorous crowd, and the current flyer contains the words "we encourage: glitter, eyeliner, corsets, feathers, big hair, big heels, lipstick, fishnets, faux fur, ballgowns, latex, flowers, veils, hats, wigs, sharp suis, costumes, dandyism, freakishness, flamboyance, self-expression, style... DRESS: UP!". As soon as the venue begins to fill up and the queue begins to stretch down Crowndale Rd, we will start to prioritise people who've bothered to make an effort. We're not saying that you have to give it the full Leigh Bowery, or come along looking like a transsexual burlesque dancer from Alpha Centauri, although that would be ace. Nor are we saying that people who 'get' the spirit of the club but don't have the time or the inclination to get glammed-up on a Saturday night are banned, although randoms who wander off the street in boring clothes, or hoodies, baseball hats and trainers, can expect to be met with some searching questions ("Er, do you realise what kind of club this is?"). All we're saying is: if you CAN make an effort, please do... and we'll show our appreciation.

Q: I'm in a band, and we'd really love to play at Stay Beautiful. How to we go about it?
A: In all honesty, it's unlikely. Stay Beautiful only takes place once a month, we only have time for one band (as stated above, we're primarily a club, not a gig), we usually have an idea a long time in advance of who we're gonna book, and they're usually at least semi-well-known names. However, if you want us to hear your demo CD, by all means send it c/o The Purple Turtle, 61-65 Crowndale Rd, London NW1.

Q: Can I DJ for you?
A: Are you famous? Can you pull a crowd? Will you bring something to Stay Beautiful that it doesn't already have? If you can't say 'yes' to at least two of those three, then the answer is probably 'no'. With our genuine best wishes, set up your own club!

Q: What's this Watering Can Song I keep hearing about?
A: A unique Stay Beautiful tradition, to help you get drunker faster. Every month, we nominate a particular song - it might be Britney, it might be G'n'R, it might be Hole, it might be Alice Cooper, it might be anything - on the News page and in our mailouts. Then on the night, when we play that song, those who have paid attention (and are therefore "in the know") rush to the stage, where one of us (Tony, Jenna, David or Simon) pours FREE VODKA down their throats from the spout of a plastic watering can, for the duration of the song (or while stocks last). It gets messy.

Q: Will you play Kasabian/The Pigeon Detectives/Oasis/Arctic Monkeys/Slipknot...?
A: Bugger off. We're not saying we don't take requests, but we're very particular and very fussy about our music policy. If you want a bog-standard indie/rock club, London already has plenty of those.

Q: Do you sell Stay Beautiful T-shirts?
A: Not yet. It's something we're considering, though, so watch this space...

Q: How can I get a Stay Beautiful badge?
A: Ask!